How and why did you decide to become a Radical Forgiveness Coach? It all started with a doubt. I worked for 10 years in the field of car logistics. It was a large group of companies, my life took place in an absolute corporate environment. Although it was going great, sometimes the questions "is this what I should be doing?", "who am I?" What is the value of what I am doing right now?' After taking maternity leave, I had more time for reflection and books. While we were still waiting, the pandemic started, the society divided into two camps, and maybe even more, and the tension between people increased sharply. I was looking for a way to be in it and C. Tipping's book "Radical Forgiveness" fell into my hands. As I read it, I felt that this is what we, our society as a whole, need. I learned that in the USA since 1997 operates the International Institute for Radical Forgiveness. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no material about this methodology in Lithuania. I started looking for someone to learn from and that's how I found out about Irena Polkowska-Rutenberg. She is a Polish woman of Jewish origin who survived the Second World War. At the age of ten, she and her mother hid from death just outside the walls of the Warsaw Ghetto. After the war, he emigrated to the United States. She came to C. Tipping's training at the age of 73. At that time, he was suffering from cancer and realized that he would not have the strength to fight the disease if he did not change his attitude towards life and his experiences. The teachings affected her in such a way that
It is a simple and effective way to get rid of painful past experiences, solve difficult life situations, and regain peace and joy in life.
after finishing them, she decided that she must return to Poland and help other people who have gone through a similar experience. He settled in Warsaw and began to tell people about radical forgiveness. She used to present this method as follows: "I personally witnessed the horror of the Warsaw ghetto. I saw things no child should ever see, but I completely forgave Hitler. Do you want to know how?". So I realized that I had to find either this woman or some trace of her in Poland.
What is the basis of this method? It is a simple and effective way to get rid of painful past experiences, solve difficult life situations, and regain peace and joy in life. As the main idea of this philosophy, I would single out the fact that everything has a meaning, and when we forgive others, we are actually forgiving ourselves. Principles of radical forgiveness: a person is a soul living an earthly experience; all events do not happen to us,
The greatest benefit is liberation. The method allows you to look at your life from a different angle. It helps you regain control of your life, as well as responsibility for it.
it's for us. During the sessions, it is often possible to find out the reasons and significance of past events. This is how we change the common idea that "if I forgive the other person, they will be successful." This is a false assumption that leads to a dead end, because the one who gets angry suffers the most. His anger has no effect on the other person. The other person may not even know you are angry, or currently forgiving them.
What are the benefits of radical forgiveness? The greatest benefit is liberation. The method allows you to look at your life from a different angle. It helps you regain control of your life, as well as responsibility for it. There is no more room for hopelessness and the "life happened" attitude. Nothing happens without a reason, there are no coincidences. Life is not a jumble of chaotic events. Using our 5 senses, we can't always understand it, but in retrospect, it's great to see how a series of often painful events in a person's life eventually helps something very positive happen or prevents an even bigger problem. Life consists of 10 percent of what happens in it, and 90 percent of how it is responded to. By applying the tools of radical forgiveness and living this philosophy, we learn to respond differently to everything. It's a formula for a positive life, just not Bali style. This means not distancing yourself and running away from the world's negativity, but taking responsibility for what happens to you and those around you.
Life consists of 10 percent of what happens in it, and 90 percent of how it is responded to. By applying the tools of radical forgiveness and living this philosophy, we learn to respond differently to everything.
What is your role as a trainer in the application of the method? My task is to guide a person through all five stages of radical forgiveness by choosing the most appropriate tools. The first stage is the telling of a story, when a person tells what is happening or happened in his life. The way he sees it and understands it. In the second stage, the client enters into his feelings. You will not be able to forgive and get rid of pain without feeling it. My task is to support a person, to be his support while traveling through his "dark plain". In the third stage, a person gradually abandons his interpretation of events, and in the fourth, he adopts a new perspective. The fifth stage is the final one, helping to integrate changes at the cellular level.
Radical forgiveness helps to get out of the "victim's world", allows you to look at the situation from the perspective that nothing bad really happened. Only after coming to this point can a person forgive.
I often use some breathing practice here. One of the tools, the Radical Forgiveness questionnaire, can be found in the book itself. It can be printed and filled out by yourself, but I can say from practice that it is not the same as working with a coach. The person himself avoids asking himself uncomfortable questions and only the coach from the outside sees which buttons need to be pressed in order to surface what is hidden in the person's subconscious.
Radical forgiveness can also be used as a team building tool. How is it going? What results can be achieved? A radical forgiveness ceremony applies to group work. It is a non-verbal process that takes place in silence, based on the Navajo healing circle ceremony. This ensures complete privacy and anonymity because you don't have to tell your story out loud. During the ceremony, the participants go through two circles. In the first circle, I read the questions that the participants answer as they step into the circle. When others step into the circle with us, we see that we are not alone and honor the pain of others. It helps to realize that most of us have indeed been through the same thing. We are all similar and close. Each member of the team is first of all a human being. The attitude that we forget personal worries and experiences when we come to the workplace is just an illusion. Dramatic life experiences
The person himself avoids asking himself uncomfortable questions and only the coach from the outside sees which buttons need to be pressed in order to surface what is hidden in the person's subconscious.
leaves a deep mark on a person's subconscious, which does not disappear by itself after changing the environment. In childhood, the image of a controlling mother can be transferred to a colleague or manager. Thus, a seemingly simple question about how you are doing on an assigned task can be interpreted as an attempt to limit freedom, because the subconscious mind recognizes the same control. Often this can lead to a seemingly unexpected, unreasonable conflict situation. More and more
When we forgive, we become free and move on. Living in the past has no meaning, life is "now". Tomorrow is not yet known, and yesterday no longer exists.
companies are changing their strategy and starting to apply a holistic approach both to the management of the company itself and to the employees. Regular team parties don't really bring colleagues together. After having fun, people return home and plunge back into their worries. Instead, I suggest strengthening the team by strengthening people from within.
The very statement "radical forgiveness" subconsciously seems to hint at a person's submissiveness to anything. But you explain that "just because you forgive does not mean that you have to let the abuser back into your life, communicate with him or maintain a relationship. It is very important to define boundaries and take care of your emotional health.” So what is the right balance between forgiveness and standing up for yourself? Even the author of this method decided that this name often misleads people. Radical forgiveness helps to get out of the "victim's world", allows you to look at the situation from the perspective that nothing bad really happened. Only after coming to this point can a person forgive. "Radical" really means that you can forgive everything and it's an either-or story, you can forgive everything or you can't forgive anything, there is no middle ground. But that doesn't mean we can forgive despite feeling wronged. To forgive does not mean to excuse and to forgive does not mean that the abuser does not have to accept the consequences of his actions. Nothing like that, we forgive ourselves and go to court. Having a calm heart makes it much easier to represent your position.
3 scenarios are possible after the process of forgiveness. First: our perspective on the situation changes. What was annoying before stops annoying. Second: the person who wronged us changes his behaviour. He doesn't have to push the pain buttons anymore because we finally paid attention to our wounds and healed them. Third: The abuser disappears from our lives because his role against us is fulfilled. Sometimes such roles are nothing more than karmic connections. Since I am also a numerologist, I see this when calculating people's fates and karmas. "People's connections are unbroken threads, invisible to the naked eye, but binding people with ropes for the ages", Konkordia Antarova "Two Lives". Such karmic knots are untied through awareness and the ability to make a different choice than was made before. Radical forgiveness works well for this.
What people need this method? How do I know it's for me? When we don't forgive, we lose our freedom. We are constantly energetically attached to those situations and people. When we forgive, we become free and move on. Living in the past has no meaning, life is "now". Tomorrow is not yet known, and yesterday no longer exists. "Now" is the moment when we create our future with our choices, but this is only possible after healing the wounds of the past. They say "show me your life and I'll tell you what your beliefs are." Radical forgiveness helps when you notice recurring scenarios of events in your life, when someone's behaviour annoys you, often a close person - a partner or parents, when you think that someone has ruined your life, irreparably humiliated you, when you feel stuck. After all, when you want to regain your self-confidence and well-being. No negative emotion disappears from the body without a trace. It needs to be consciously found, felt and only then released.